Woof...

that's the sound a big dog makes. Stupidity, that's the sound a big group of teenagers make anytime after 10:00 at night; as in the group of teenagers that greeted Laura and I on our first night sleeping at North Capitol.

For some context: Laura and I had just spent a very nice weekend down at the Jersey shore and were looking forward to our first night together in the house. Because we chose to get on the road late Monday night, we didn't arrive until around 10:00 or 10:30 PM. We also had no shades on any of our windows and very little material goods in the house. So, after what seemed to be an endless battle setting up Laura's bed (it has since been dismantled after breaking three times in two days) we were ready for some sleep. At that same time, a group of about 8 teenagers gathered on the corner of T and North Capitol and proceeded to be loud for the next few hours. This also begs the question. What on Earth could anyone talk about for that amount of time that would require the information to be yelled? Perhaps they were expressing their love for freedom? Their love for America? Their love for that concrete paved street corner? Needless to say, Laura and I made a snap decision and moved into the far back bedroom to a night of restless sleep on my salvaged futon. In response, we went to Home Depot the following night and purchased one, yes count it, one window shade. Our other windows are now covered by a dress and a table cloth; and yes, we're both MacGyver's in training. Perhaps that's why the teenagers haven't congregated on that corner since.

As this is a bonus feature, I'll regale everyone with one other story. This Monday, we arrived to a post-it from UPS saying that I had missed a delivery. Their scheduled 2nd attempt would, of course, be scheduled for the following day between 10:30 AM until 2:00 PM. Is it reasonable to assume that anyone will be home during the afternoon on a weekday in order to sign for a package? Or course not. Does it matter? Of course not. So, I came home Tuesday to another post-it from UPS, this one re-asserting their commitment to deliver my package during afternoon hours (final delivery attempt was scheduled for Wednesday from 10:30 AM until 2:00 PM). I chose to call the UPS bluff and left work early on Wednesday to wait for my package. As the hours ticked by I decided to call Laura and have her track the package. The answer? The package would not be delivered on account of some problem involving my hand and a signiature. The result? The package would now be delivered the following day (Thursday) during...you guessed it, the afternoon.

Not to be undone, I called UPS and told them I would pick up the package myself, to which they responded that someone would call me back within the hour. An hour later, my phone lit up telling me (via voicemail) that Brad would allow my package to be picked up between 8:00 PM and 9:00 PM that evening. No address, no return phone number, no last name, no love.

I called UPS main and determined that my package was most definitely, maybe, probably at the Landover, Maryland location; however, UPS was not allowed to give me a number for that service location. In searching for the UPS service location phone number with my trusted friend Mr. Google, I happened across two things: 1) a Yelp site where 8 people had submitted reviews of the Landover UPS site. The reviews were ALL one star and each told of a story in which the person had been permanently jaded, were forced to take a scalding hot shower following their experience, and, in one case, where the UPS debacle meant a person did not receive their time-sensitive medication until 4 or 5 days after it was needed (I am not joking about this last one); and, 2) in July 2009, ATF agents arrested two Landover UPS employees for...wait for it...little more...selling handguns and semi-automatic rifles out of a duffel bag in the the UPS parking lot during afternoon business hours. See an article here.

It was with hat in hand that I arrived at UPS late Wednesday night with low expectations. Although the line was backed up and the employees looked utterly miserable, the entire experience only took about 15 minutes. Sadly, the Verizon high speed internet equipment that I picked up has since wrecked Laura's computer.

Alas, a tip of my cap to you UPS. Well played sir, well played...